9 Traits of People Really Good at Relationships

Ingenio Category: Relationship Coaching


Do you find yourself looking at happy couples and asking, “What do they have that I don’t have?” Here’s the answer to your question.

1. They are responsible for their own happiness

The healthiest relationships boast partners who understand that they are ultimately responsible for their own happiness. Relying on another person to make you happy is irresponsible and conclusively destructive. You enter a relationship to benefit one another mutually, not gain something personally.

2. They have empathy

Not to be mistaken with kindness or pity, empathy means you can step into someone else's shoes with the aim of understanding their feelings and perspectives, and using that understanding to guide your actions.  Couples who demonstrate empathy regularly take into account the other person's feelings, wishes, and needs.   Empathy is not just a way to extend the boundaries of your moral universe, but a habit we can cultivate to improve the quality of our own lives and relationships.

3. They have patience

Frustration in all relationships happens, but focusing on those frustrations gets you nowhere. Expressing frustrations in an effort to resolve them is healthy, and patient couples are able to do this from a non-irritable, non-hostile place. Those who cannot put their partners on the defensive, which leads to wallowing in frustration, leading to endless dissatisfaction. Practicing patience will help dissipate stress and give you a choice about how you respond to disappointment and frustration. When you can stay calm, centered and not act rashly out of frustration, all areas of your life will improve—especially personal relationships.

4. They are attentive

It’s hard sometimes to snap out of feeling like the universe revolves around us. However, people in successful, healthy relationships do this alarmingly well. You’re not the only one with needs in the relationship, and recognizing that and being able to act on demonstrates a strong ability to nurture someone other than yourself.

5. They are loyal

Loyalty does not only mean physical fidelity it includes emotional devotion. People who are loyal in every aspect of their relationship enjoy truly intimate, loving relationships. Loyalty manifests in many ways, like keeping confidences without fail, not speaking disparagingly about your partner to others, keeping your word to one another, being respectful of your partner privately and publicly, and reassuring your partner that you’re there emotionally and physically. 

6. They are generous

People who are giving in their relationships show their partners regularly that they love and care for them. Being giving doesn’t mean you need to buy presents, flowers, or jewelry—but it does mean that you give them the bigger slice of cake, make them a cup of coffee in the morning, or give them a foot rub when they’re stressed (or just because!). Regular generosity demonstrates to your partner that they’re loved in a slightly muted fashion.  

7. They have high emotional intelligence

The higher the emotional intelligence in a partnership, the better the relationship. Couples with high EQs are able to identify, use, understand, and manage emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges, and defuse conflict.  High emotional intelligence allwos you to recognize your own emotional state and the emotional state of your partner, and engage with them in a way that draws them to you.  This understanding of emotions helps you relate better to other people, especially your partner, forming stronger, healthier relationships.

8. They have strong communication skills

It’s natural (and healthy) to have disagreements or have a fight in a relationship. What happens after those disagreements or fights is what matters most. The best relationships have people who effectively “talk it out.” Talking it out means you say what you really feel and listen closely. Then, they keep going. And they keep listening. They keep talking until whatever it is that made them angry or sad is past, and they move on without harboring hurt or resentment aimed at their partner.

9. They are honest and genuine

Not only are people in successful relationships honest with one another, they are also authentic versions of themselves at all times. Oftentimes people will start a relationship based on a façade, a shiny-happy-perfect version of who they are (exhausting and unhealthy!). Being yourself from the beginning lets your partner know what they’re getting into, and allows them to love you for all that you are.

When it comes to honesty, the quality of a relationship depends on the quality of the communication between partners. When those partners are honest, they are able to tap into their partner's authenticity with heartfelt communication.